Girlz Voices

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. I don’t know who came up with that saying, but I’m here to tell ya that it’s a straight up bold face lie. Ask any therpist or counselor and they will tell ya the same. They help people everyday who are trying to get over not just the stuff people did to them, but the hurtful stuff people said to them. Bullying has been around forever. But since it has grown to now include using cell phones & the internet, it’s more powerful, and has more amuniation than ever. Both parties, the bully and the one being bullied can be hurt by it.  Arg! “How can the bully be hurt?” Well, I’ll get to the bully in a second. First I want to focus on the one who is obvouisly being hurt, the one whose being bullied.

 If you’re being bullied, you may be a target because you look different, come from a different background, are  shy or timid, have the life and privledges they wish they had, or check this, you’re a threat. A bully may be threatened by your looks, your popularity, your talent, even your potenial. Or they may have singled you out just because they are hurting and the only way they know to handle it is to hurt someone else. Hurting people hurt people. Don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t make it right. I’m just saying they may need help themselves. Now you may be like, “Ok, I understand why they do what they do, but what do I do about what they do?” Ya’ll know most of the time I have list of ideas or guidelines. Today ain’t any different. So, here are a few things you can do. Just a heads up, some of these will apply just to physical, face-to-face bullying, not cyber-bullying:

1. Know that’s not your fault. Regardless of the bully’s reasons are for bullying you, or the reason you’re a target, they are not right and it’s not right.

2. Use the buddy system. There is power in numbers. So, if the situation calls for it, have a friend with you, especially when in unsupervised areas like bathrooms and lockerrooms.  And when  possible, avoid the places where you know the bully will be. 

3. Keep a poker face. Try not to cry or look upset. Bullies thrive off of that. Don’t laugh or smile either, that may provoke them. Honestly, this is going to be hard and take some practice because it goes against our body’s natural reaction.

4. Walk away. I know this may not work or even apply to all situations, but for the ones where it does, do it. Act like you could careless about the words they are saying. Basically, ignore them. And just be out. Many times, when they see they can’t get a rise out of you, they get bored because you just took all the “fun” out of it for them.

5. Tell an adult. Your parents, a teacher, or principal. I know you don’t wanna seem like a punk, be embarassed or make matters any worse, but often, they can help.

6. Talk about it. Tell your sister or brother, a friend, or a guidance counselor. They may not be able to fix the problem, but they may be able to give you ideas for dealing with it. Plus, you won’t feel alone.

7. When online, or even on your phone, take advantage of the privacy settings and block people out. If the situation is really bad, report it or  close out your account or get your number changed. If you see someone being cyber-bullied online, refuse to join in. Stand up for them and post positive things about them.

8. And lastly, don’t believe the mess they say about you. That’s not who you are. Despite the names, the lies, and the gossip, know that what people say about you isn’t what makes you, it’s what you say and believe about yourself. So believe the truth. You are one beautiful, awesome chick, and you can’t help it…God made you like that!

Ok, now for those who are bullies, honestly, the first thing you should is stop. Then think about why you do what you do. If it’s because you’re hurting, talk to some, a teacher or guidance counselor to get help. If it’s because you use to be bullied and you feel now it’s pay back time, well when you fight fire with fire you’re likely to get burned. So you can bring more trouble on yourself. Then down the road you’ll realize it really wasn’t worth it. For for any that feel jealous or threaten by the looks, talent, popularity, etc. of someone else, don’t be. You’re mad cool, beautiful and talented in your own right. And let’s be real, that “good” feeling you get by putting someone down to make youself feel better is

1) Short lived and followed by a sense of grief and self worthlessness

2) Is pointless because that person is still going to be that person. They are still going to look how they like, have the same talents and same personality. And you still won’t be them, because you weren’t created to be them. So, you would have basically wasted your time for nothing. Plus, you can be putting yourself in danger because you never know where a person is mentally and when they  get to the point where they have taken all they are gonna take, you don’t know what actions they will take to defend themselves or to retaliate. Truth be told, they may take some very serious ones, even deadly ones. You truly have no idea about who you’re messing with.

In 2 Kings 2, there was a guy named Elisha. Him and God were really tight. One day he was minding his own business and some kids came out and start mocking him. They were like “what’s up bald head! Get on outta here with yo bald head”. Back then to be bald was shameful. It was humilating. Elish looked at them, was like, “God, handle them.” Then 2 bears came outta da bushes and tore them up. 42 of them. Those kids didn’t know who they were messing with. Now that doesn’t mean God gonna send bears or any other beast after you, but when you mess with His kids, he doesn’t take it too kindly. I’d hate to be on His bad side, wouldn’t you? Especically since you don’t know what He’s gonna do or when He’s gonna do it. Bottomline, treat folk the way you wanna be treated. Sometimes, the very ones you hurt are the same ones you’ll need to call for help.

And if you see someone being bullied, don’t stand by and do nothing. Tell an adult, get someone involved to help and when appropiate, step in yourself and help. Doing nothing makes you a part of the problem. Choose to be a part of the solution. That’s the word. Now go ahead. Take a minute. And let that simmer.

Sex is awesome! It’s a wonderful free gift from God given to us to enjoy… inside of marriage. Well, what if you want to have it before marriage? You can, it’s certainly your choice. But it won’t be free. It can cost you your peace, you health…your life.

If you are a virgin and have decided to wait until marriage to have sex, I commend you. And regardless of what everyone else is doing or say they are doing, stay true to your commitment. You’ll find out that it was all worth it. If you have been sexually active, especially in the last 5 years, please get tested ever six months. STDs such as HPV, which causes cervical cancer and can’t be prevented by using a condom, are serious and deadly. You can’t treat what you don’t know you have. And if you haven’t made the decision to wait until you’re married or you’re considering having sex, count up the cost and ask yourself, “Can I really afford it?” That’s the Word. Go ahead. Take a minute. And let that simmer.

Ladies, you know how it is when you have a movie date with your boyfriend. You want to see a romantic comedy. And he wants to see something with fighting and enough blood to keep a hospital stocked. Or you may be in the mood for a tear jerker or a rags to riches story. He wants to see something about brotherhood, betrayal and of course sex. Is there a movie that can contain all of this so you both can be happy? Well, there may be one, but I don’t know what it is. But I do know there is a book that contains all of this and more. It’s the best selling book of all time, boasting more sells than any other book in history. What book is this? The Bible! The Bible is book of history, of science, poetry and romance. It is full of wisdom and hope. More importantly, it is THE book of truth. The people, lives and stories in the Bible aren’t the result of some Hollywood writer’s or bestselling author’s imagination. It’s the 100% absolute truth. It’s the Word of God given to us so that we can know His heart, how to make good decision, get direction and guidance and help during life’s storms. The people of the Bible are just like you and me. We were just born at different times and with different purposes. So I challenge you, if you don’t have one, get a Bible. Get one that is written in a way that is easy for you to understand, like The Message Bible.( It is written in plain everyday language.) As you read it, take your time and see how the stories and words relate to you. Just ask God to help you understand what you read and how you can apply it to your life. And lastly, if you are saying, “I feel ya on the Jesus tip. I know He loves me and He gave His life for me so that all the bad things I’ve done can be forgiven and I can live with Him in heaven when I die. And I believe He’s with me and will never leave me. And while I don’t understand everything yet, I do know that Jesus is God’s son and that regardless of how many good things I do, the only way to have real peace and be saved is to accept Him and make Him number one in my life. And I’m ready to do that.” If that’s you, pray this prayer:

Dear God, I know I’ve done some jacked up stuff. Please forgive me for all of my mistakes and sins. I believe that You gave your only son Jesus to die in my place for my sins. And I know He didn’t stay dead, but got up from the grave and went back to heaven to be with You. I accept Jesus into my life today. I want to live for You. I don’t know how to do that completely yet, but I know You’ll teach me. Thank You for loving me and for having a purpose for my life. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Welcome to the fam. The decision you just made is an awesome one. Now I’ll be honest with you, all of your problems will not go away. And truth be told, you actually may be faced with new challenges. The difference is, now you’ll have Jesus to help you through them. You don’t have to do it alone anymore. Also, if you currently don’t have a church that you go to, get hooked up with one. Ask God to help you find the one that you should go to. Trust me, He’ll do it. And remember, He didn’t bring you this far to leave you. Ya feel me? Alright then. That’s the Word. So go ahead. Take a minute. And let that simmer.

Everyday we make decisions. Some we make without even thinking about it. Many we make before we even leave the house. What soap to use. How to style our hair. What to have for breakfast. Whether to brush our teeth (hopefully we all decide to do this). But there is one decision that many of us girls make everyday that we put a lot of thought into and that is, what to wear. What we are going to do that day, who is going to see us, when was the last time we had the outfit on and how we look in it, all factors in to what we decide to wear. But here’s a thought. Do we ever consider how what we decide to wear will make us look? No, I’m no talking about if an outfit makes us look fat or shapeless. I’m talking about what impression do our clothes give to others about ourselves. If you saw a lady in dress pants, a blouse, and a lab coat, you may think she is a doctor or scientist. If you saw a guy dressed to the nines in an Armani suit carrying a briefcase, you’ll probably think he’s some type of business man. And if you saw a guy in white cargo pants and a shirt with painted all over it, you’d think he is a painter. The truth is, we often make judgment calls on people based solely on what we see.

Bear with me for a minute as we take a trip down Biblical Lane to Genesis 38. There’s a story about a guy named Judah. Judah had 3 sons. The oldest son Er was married to a woman named Tamar. Now Er was an evil dude so God killed him. Now in those days, when a married man dies before having kids, his brother was suppose to marry his wife. They did that so that the first son that the brother and the wife had together could carry on the wife’s dead husband name and he’d have an heir. (I know, that’s a little strange in our culture, but that’s how it was back then.) In this story, Judah’s second son married Tamar but didn’t want to have a child by her and actually died before he did. Now that left Judah with one son, Shelah, who was his youngest. He wasn’t old enough to marry Tamar at the time. So Judah told Tamar to go back to her parent’s house and live with them and when Shelah grew up, she could marry him. So she did. She went back to her hometown and lived with her parents. Well, Shelah grew up, but Judah didn’t send for Tamar so she could marry him. And Tamar got upset. Why? Because in those times, widowed women without children did not have a bright future since they didn’t have any support or anyone to provide for them, especially when they got old. They were the poorest of the poor. Well when Tamar heard that Judah was coming to her hometown she decided to trick him. She changed out of the clothes she normally wore, put on some other clothes and covered herself in a veil. Basically, she put on prostitute clothes. Then she went and sat out in a place where she knew Judah would see her. And when he did see her, he thought she was a prostitute….because of how she looked. He didn’t know who she really was. To make a long story short, he asked to hook up with her and she did. She got pregnant and had twins. When Judah found out about Tamar he got mad, until he found out he was the father. He realized that although she sinned in how she tricked him, he sinned also in not giving her Shelah to marry like he was supposed to. The point is, Tamar dressed the part. She dressed to look like someone she wasn’t and she slept with a man who didn’t know who she was and what she was all about. Ok, so what’s the moral of the story? There a several that can come out of this, but the one for today is this, Tamar was a woman who went through a lot. She suffered the lost of two husbands. One was evil so I doubt that was a happy marriage and the other didn’t even want to have kids by her. She was rejected by her father-in-law, she battled with infertility, she was ridiculed by her community because she didn’t have kids (women without kids were looked down on) and she faced more of the same, topped off by poverty. She probably felt unloved, hated, despised, disappointed, unworthy, and like a curse. So she wrapped up her pain and wrapped up her hurt. She covered up her shame, her anger, her disappointment, insecurity, fear and need for love and security and hid them in prostitute clothes. And she, like some of you, went about getting what she wanted and what she needed the way she knew how, by dressing and appearing to be someone she really wasn’t.

I am convinced that how we dress has more to do with what we think about ourselves and how we see ourselves, than who we really are. Ladies, you are beautiful! Your value is far greater than diamonds. Your worth is immeasurable. You are worth more than the disrespectful attention and illicit intentions of any guy. So let how you dress and what you wear be a reflection of your true self. And know this, God knows you, the real you, the true you. The Bible says that we as people look on the outward appearance, but God knows the heart. And, He really, really loves you. That’s the word. So go ahead. Take a minute. And let that simmer.

What does Kwame Kilpatrick, Tiger Woods, and Vanasa Huchinson have in common? Text messages and photos that were meant for only one other person was exposed to billions of people, and as a result, they suffered for it. Sexting, sending/receiving photos and messages that are sexually explicit, has become a huge problem and concern, especially for teens. Families are being wrecked by it. And reputations are being destroyed and shattered. And when it all blows up you can’t help but ask, “Was it worth it? What was the person thinking?” I can guarantee you the answer to the first question is no, it wasn’t worth it. The answer to the second question probably sounds something like, “I didn’t think it would get out” or “I didn’t see what harm it would cause” or simply “I just wasn’t thinking.” Sexting is serious. Make a decision now not to be hemmed up and jack up your reputation by this and even hurt your future. Think about it, anything you send or post electronically can be sent or reposted by someone else. And be cautious of what you put on sites like Myspace and Facebook. Don’t believe that the pictures you put out there are only on those sites and that no one else can get them. It’s only a matter of a few clicks to download any picture from the web. You don’t want your face to show up somewhere that you never intended it to. And when it comes to sending sexual texts and pictures, as much as you love your boyfriend or are vibing on some guy, he is not worth sacrificing yourself for. Once you send that picture or text to him, he’ll want you more, but respect you less. He’s going to want you only for what you can give him or what he can get from you. And once you give yourself to him, he’s only going to use you to keep getting the same thing or, more than likely, he’s not going to want you any more at all. So again, it’s not worth it. And generally speaking, guys don’t look at these messages and photos as something that is sentimental, emotional or an act of love. For most, it’s an ego boost. It’s to say “Yea man, I got that” or “Yea, that’s me right there.” And then to prove it, they share it to others. You are worth more than that. And whether you realize it or not, there are people who are looking up to you. So your actions don’t affect just you, they affect others. Lastly, your body is precious. In 1 Corinthians 6 it says sexual sins are different than all others because in sexual sins we violate the sacredness of our own bodies that were made for God-given, God-modeled love. Don’t you realize your body is a scared place in which God Himself lives. Can’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering away what God has given you and paid such a high price for? So let people see the God in and through you by trusting Him and by respecting and honoring your body. That’s the word. So go ahead. Take a minute. And let that simmer.