Girlz Voices

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. I don’t know who came up with that saying, but I’m here to tell ya that it’s a straight up bold face lie. Ask any therpist or counselor and they will tell ya the same. They help people everyday who are trying to get over not just the stuff people did to them, but the hurtful stuff people said to them. Bullying has been around forever. But since it has grown to now include using cell phones & the internet, it’s more powerful, and has more amuniation than ever. Both parties, the bully and the one being bullied can be hurt by it.  Arg! “How can the bully be hurt?” Well, I’ll get to the bully in a second. First I want to focus on the one who is obvouisly being hurt, the one whose being bullied.

 If you’re being bullied, you may be a target because you look different, come from a different background, are  shy or timid, have the life and privledges they wish they had, or check this, you’re a threat. A bully may be threatened by your looks, your popularity, your talent, even your potenial. Or they may have singled you out just because they are hurting and the only way they know to handle it is to hurt someone else. Hurting people hurt people. Don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t make it right. I’m just saying they may need help themselves. Now you may be like, “Ok, I understand why they do what they do, but what do I do about what they do?” Ya’ll know most of the time I have list of ideas or guidelines. Today ain’t any different. So, here are a few things you can do. Just a heads up, some of these will apply just to physical, face-to-face bullying, not cyber-bullying:

1. Know that’s not your fault. Regardless of the bully’s reasons are for bullying you, or the reason you’re a target, they are not right and it’s not right.

2. Use the buddy system. There is power in numbers. So, if the situation calls for it, have a friend with you, especially when in unsupervised areas like bathrooms and lockerrooms.  And when  possible, avoid the places where you know the bully will be. 

3. Keep a poker face. Try not to cry or look upset. Bullies thrive off of that. Don’t laugh or smile either, that may provoke them. Honestly, this is going to be hard and take some practice because it goes against our body’s natural reaction.

4. Walk away. I know this may not work or even apply to all situations, but for the ones where it does, do it. Act like you could careless about the words they are saying. Basically, ignore them. And just be out. Many times, when they see they can’t get a rise out of you, they get bored because you just took all the “fun” out of it for them.

5. Tell an adult. Your parents, a teacher, or principal. I know you don’t wanna seem like a punk, be embarassed or make matters any worse, but often, they can help.

6. Talk about it. Tell your sister or brother, a friend, or a guidance counselor. They may not be able to fix the problem, but they may be able to give you ideas for dealing with it. Plus, you won’t feel alone.

7. When online, or even on your phone, take advantage of the privacy settings and block people out. If the situation is really bad, report it or  close out your account or get your number changed. If you see someone being cyber-bullied online, refuse to join in. Stand up for them and post positive things about them.

8. And lastly, don’t believe the mess they say about you. That’s not who you are. Despite the names, the lies, and the gossip, know that what people say about you isn’t what makes you, it’s what you say and believe about yourself. So believe the truth. You are one beautiful, awesome chick, and you can’t help it…God made you like that!

Ok, now for those who are bullies, honestly, the first thing you should is stop. Then think about why you do what you do. If it’s because you’re hurting, talk to some, a teacher or guidance counselor to get help. If it’s because you use to be bullied and you feel now it’s pay back time, well when you fight fire with fire you’re likely to get burned. So you can bring more trouble on yourself. Then down the road you’ll realize it really wasn’t worth it. For for any that feel jealous or threaten by the looks, talent, popularity, etc. of someone else, don’t be. You’re mad cool, beautiful and talented in your own right. And let’s be real, that “good” feeling you get by putting someone down to make youself feel better is

1) Short lived and followed by a sense of grief and self worthlessness

2) Is pointless because that person is still going to be that person. They are still going to look how they like, have the same talents and same personality. And you still won’t be them, because you weren’t created to be them. So, you would have basically wasted your time for nothing. Plus, you can be putting yourself in danger because you never know where a person is mentally and when they  get to the point where they have taken all they are gonna take, you don’t know what actions they will take to defend themselves or to retaliate. Truth be told, they may take some very serious ones, even deadly ones. You truly have no idea about who you’re messing with.

In 2 Kings 2, there was a guy named Elisha. Him and God were really tight. One day he was minding his own business and some kids came out and start mocking him. They were like “what’s up bald head! Get on outta here with yo bald head”. Back then to be bald was shameful. It was humilating. Elish looked at them, was like, “God, handle them.” Then 2 bears came outta da bushes and tore them up. 42 of them. Those kids didn’t know who they were messing with. Now that doesn’t mean God gonna send bears or any other beast after you, but when you mess with His kids, he doesn’t take it too kindly. I’d hate to be on His bad side, wouldn’t you? Especically since you don’t know what He’s gonna do or when He’s gonna do it. Bottomline, treat folk the way you wanna be treated. Sometimes, the very ones you hurt are the same ones you’ll need to call for help.

And if you see someone being bullied, don’t stand by and do nothing. Tell an adult, get someone involved to help and when appropiate, step in yourself and help. Doing nothing makes you a part of the problem. Choose to be a part of the solution. That’s the word. Now go ahead. Take a minute. And let that simmer.